Aug 11
5
Fear of Intimacy
None of us desires to suffer pain caused by another person. A break up of a friendship, a romantic relationship or particularly a marriage can be very painful and leave a lasting impact on our lives. There can be emotional scars and even real physical pain. Sometimes such painful experiences can result in what is labeled physiologically as “fear of intimacy”, which takes the apprehension of hurt to a new level.
Fear of Intimacy
The fear of intimacy is the fear of being hurt emotionally by allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a relationship. Sometimes the fear of intimacy is experienced emotionally as well as physically. The individual with fear of intimacy is often afraid of emotional closeness. This fear can manifest itself in various ways such as fearing rejection, abandonment, betrayal or vulnerability. It can also be felt as a fear of becoming engulfed or entrapped by another.
How Does It Develop?
How does fear of intimacy develop? Some believe it may be the result of pain from prior relationships. Having a spouse who is abusive or unfaithful certainly causes deep heartache and can lead to even deeper physiological scars. The fear of intimacy is a self-protection mechanism to guard against being hurt and crushed emotionally once-again.
Many believe fear of intimacy develops during childhood as a protective behavior. Someone may have had a parent who didn’t express love, was abusive, or abandoned the family leaving the child feeling rejected and unloved. When something bad happens to us we tend to arrange our lives to guard against facing similar hurtful experiences. Of course, this self-protection through shutting others out, only leads to more heartache in the form of isolation. The alternative is to be open to love, intimacy, and vulnerability. Yet, every fiber of your body and mind might be screaming, “No! I was hurt before by being this open. Can I be guaranteed that if I love intimately I will not be hurt again?”
The Other Partner
Fear of intimacy is often looked at through the eyes of the one who has the emotional hurdle but it can also be devastating to the other partner. Imagine living with a spouse who fears being intimate and sabotages your every attempt to have a normal relationship due to fear. You are the one who is constantly rejected and made to look like the one with the emotional problem. The person attempting to protect themselves will often use anything at their disposal to protect their own vulnerability even to the point of being dishonest. They will often place the blame on you, to protect themselves.
Living like this can be lonely and confusing. In some cases the fear of intimacy may manifest itself emotionally, but not physically. The relationship may have an active sex life but something is drastically missing. The fear of emotional intimacy destroys a healthy relationship. Yes there is physical enjoyment, but it falls far short of satisfying your emotional needs. Your partner may be free to have physical intimacy but they may be fiercely guarding their heart at every step.
Emotional Intimacy
Intimacy should create a place of trust, where we are accepted, loved, and respected. A healthy relationship should provide a place where you can feel the freedom to share your inner thoughts, flaws, and shortcomings and know that you will still be accepted. In a healthy relationship, neither side is degraded and no one will leave the other or cause them to feel abandoned. It should be such a beautiful place, a peaceful place, a place to grow with each other and to discover the wonderments of this world. It should also be a place where each partner is growing closer to God. Yet, it is not.
Is There An Answer?
I encourage you to click on the gift, “God’s Answer?” an instantly downloadable 29 page PDF file that will reveal how to live life through a power that will radically transform your life. You will learn how to live a life of intimacy you have never imagined.
How many years have you struggled with a fear of intimacy or journeyed with a spouse who fears intimacy? You are not here by accident. It’s time to give your fears to Him and let Him lead you to the life of intimacy you have dreamed. I encourage you to allow your heart to receive “God’s Answer?” You see, it is much more about your heart and your intimacy with Him.
How to Live Through A Power That Will Transform Your Life!
