Fear of Intimacy – Enclosing The Heart
The fear of intimacy is the fear of being emotionally and physically close to another individual. It causes them to feel vulnerable and to face the possibility of being hurt or even abandoned by the other. They face a fear of rejection, it may not be realistic but in their mind it is very true. The other partner (the one without the fear of intimacy) more than likely has never given their partner a reason to fear intimacy. Their emotional and physical fears often stem from a prior relationship or childhood.
When the fear of rejection becomes too great they will often abandon the relationship or cause it to dissolve. That may not make sense but from the one fearing intimacy reality is not of top concern. They are attempting to protect their fragile emotions and will often do so at any cost. They end up creating the very thing they wanted to protect against. Both sides get hurt but the one who fears intimacy feels if they had not abandoned the relationship their hurt would have been much deeper and they would have been more vulnerable. The other partner is left dazed and confused attempting to figure out what went wrong.
It has been reported that women face this issue more often and that many are facing some degree of depression. At a deeper emotional level there may also be some form of poor self-image and a lack of feeling attractive and desirable. Remember it is often times not based on reality but it is based on their emotions. To them it is real and it is there reality. The causes can be very deep.
Often times the fear of intimacy may develop from childhood trauma. It could be a father who fails to show love to his little girl. He himself may lack the ability to have an intimate relationship with his daughter thereby setting up a lifetime of hurt and vulnerability for her. It may be a dad who abandoned the family causing his daughter to not trust the men in her life and leading to emotional and even physical fear of intimacy. From that day forward it will affect every man that comes into her life. Furthermore, it will devoid her of what she wanted most, an intimate relationship. Because of the distrust, that intimacy can not and will not happen. Thereby setting up a life of disappointment, a life of blaming every man in her life for causing her to hurt and not trust them. It is sad, a little girl who only wants to be loved and guaranteed it will not hurt.
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